Pooping Dog Script ●

Every dog owner knows. The perfect spot does not exist. Only the perfect inconvenience.

(holding leash, checking watch) Buster. We’ve been circling this hydrant for seven minutes. It’s 6 AM. My coffee’s getting cold back in the car.

You’re lucky you’re cute.

(deadpan) Yep. There it is. Right on my neighbor’s prized begonias. (sighs, pulls out a bag) This is love. This is what love looks like.

Buster stands up. Nothing happened. He trots toward a bush. Pooping Dog Script

Buster stares into the middle distance. A single bird chirps. Buster turns around and faces Jamie directly, making intense eye contact.

Buster runs off with the leash. Jamie stumbles after. Every dog owner knows

Oh no. No, no. You had the perfect squat. Why did you abort?