 |
|
|
|
My name is Pista Ruth Esther Sandoval. I carry the joy, the loyalty, and the courage of the women who came before me. I am not three people. I am one person who has finally stopped running from her own reflection.
"No," her mother said. "That's us ."
Esther – that was her father’s gift, though he died before he could speak it aloud. A name for the orphaned queen who hid her people in her heart until the moment came to reveal herself and save them. "Esther is for when the world asks you to be small," her father had written in a letter she found years later. "You will know when to stand up and say I am here ."
Pista – that was her abuela’s doing. A nickname turned legal, a word meaning "party" or "good time" in Spanish. Abuela had looked at the squalling, red-faced infant and declared, "This one will laugh when others cry. She will dance on the graves of sorrows." And so, Pista. The joy-bringer. Pista ruth esther sandoval
Pista hung up and wrote a new entry in her diary. Not they don't know who I am . Not one day . Instead, she wrote:
And for the first time in years, she felt the weight lift.
She lit a candle. She said each name aloud, slow and deliberate. My name is Pista Ruth Esther Sandoval
Pista blinked. No one had ever said it like that.
By twenty-five, she was exhausted. The joy felt forced. The loyalty felt like a chain. The courage felt like a lie. She stopped answering to anything but "P." She cut her hair short. She moved to a town where no one knew her three names.
Ruth – that was her mother’s choice, after the biblical widow who said, "Where you go, I will go." Her mother had left everything behind in Guatemala – family, language, home – to clean hotel rooms in Los Angeles. She named her daughter Ruth so she would never forget what loyalty cost, and what it was worth. I am one person who has finally stopped
And so her mother told her: Ruth, who left everything behind. Ruth, who gleaned in the fields so her mother-in-law could eat. Ruth, who lay down at the feet of a stranger in the dark. Ruth, who risked everything for love.
Her mother laughed. "You know the story, mija ."