Nixon Coffee Table Assembly Instructions Site

But here is the genius of the Nixon assembly method:

This is the moment of truth. You press down on the surface. If the table wobbles, you don't just tighten a screw. You have to go on television (or Instagram Live) and explain to your followers:

Happy building. And remember: Have you ever assembled a piece of furniture that felt like a political scandal? Tell me about your "Ikea-gate" in the comments below! nixon coffee table assembly instructions

I was assembling the lower shelf. I had the bracket in one hand and the screw in the other. Everything was going smoothly. I looked down at my watch.

It stands. Barely.

Here is what I learned from trying to build democracy... I mean, furniture , the Nixon way. The first step reads: "Inventory all parts before beginning. Do not trust the pictures. The pictures lie."

Warning: This post contains no actual political scandals, but it does contain high stakes, a few missing washers, and the potential for a very wobbly leg. But here is the genius of the Nixon

I have no memory of what happened during that time. Did I assemble it correctly? Did I strip the threading? The world may never know. I call it "plausible deniability." Step 7 is brutal. It tells you to flip the table over onto its feet.

If the table stands firm? You have won the election. You pour a whiskey (or a ginger ale) and stare out the window at the Chesapeake Bay. After three hours, a lot of sweating, and one unconfirmed report of a stripped screw in the Southeast corner, the Nixon Coffee Table was built. You have to go on television (or Instagram

To attach the side panel to the mainframe, you aren't supposed to use glue. You are supposed to use . You must hold the cam lock in place while whispering, "I am not a crook," until the wood grain submits.

Is it sturdy? No. Is it ethical? Probably not. Does it have a dark, polished finish that hides the stains of red sauce from last night's pizza? Absolutely.