“Juliana Navidad A La Colombiana Chiva Culiona”
They danced until dawn. Don Pepe gave her the brass bell from the chiva’s front rail. “So you never forget how to come home,” he said.
The culiona —the big, beautiful, ridiculous bus—groaned. The accordion player struck up “Fuego a la Jeringonza.” The drunk uncles pushed. The grandmothers pushed. Juliana pushed until her Toronto-trained lungs burned with the thin, sweet air of home.
She hadn’t understood then. Now, bouncing between a man playing a ragged accordion and a woman balancing a tray of natilla and bunuelos , she began to. Juliana Navidad A La Colombiana Chiva Culiona
And every Christmas Eve, as the chiva rounds that cliffside curve, Juliana leans into the wind and shouts the only prayer she needs:
“A la izquierda, el pasado. A la derecha, la gloria.”
“Push,” she said.
“I’m not a mechanic,” Juliana said, pulling out her phone. No signal. Of course.
The Chiva Culiona —the “big-assed bus”—was legendary in these parts. Not just for its wild paint job or the way it fishtailed on hairpin turns, but for its mission: every December 24th, it transformed into a mobile novena . It collected prayers, gifts, and drunk uncles from seven forgotten veredas, delivering them to the town square of Jericó for the Midnight Mass of the Rooster.
“A la izquierda, la muerte! A la derecha, la gloria!” shouted Don Pepe, the driver, a man with no teeth and an angel’s confidence. He spun the wheel. The chiva—a riot of neon paint, hand-painted flowers, and a grinning devil on the tailgate—lurched right. “Juliana Navidad A La Colombiana Chiva Culiona” They
Juliana laughed. Not a nervous laugh. A real one. It had been four years since she’d laughed like that. Four years since she’d left Medellín for a sterile apartment in Toronto, chasing a promotion that left her with carpal tunnel and a curated loneliness. Her abuela’s final words echoed in her head: “Mija, la navidad no se vive en un celular. Se vive en la chiva culiona.”
At midnight, they rolled into Jericó. The whole town was waiting, not for Mass, but for them. The new mayor—a slick, university-educated fool—had tried to cancel the chiva’s parade. But there was La Espantapájaros , grille covered in tinsel, speakers blasting “Lista en Medellín,” and on the roof, a woman in a torn designer shirt, holding a bottle of aguardiente like a scepter.
But this year, the chiva was dying. Don Pepe’s son had moved to Bogotá. The younger generation wanted sleek buses with Wi-Fi, not a 1970s relic that smelled of diesel and damp wool. The town council had declared the chiva “unsafe.” Juliana’s own cousin, Carlos, had sent her a mocking voice note: “Vení a ver el entierro de la tradición, gringa de mierda.” The culiona —the big, beautiful, ridiculous bus—groaned