Then out of nowhere, Hagrid (an absolute green flag, chaotic good, would die for him) pulls up like: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”
Draco: “My father will hear about this.” Harry, internally: “Okay?? And I’ll post the receipts.”
Diagon Alley is giving main character energy. Harry goes from wearing Dudley’s trash fits (so not it) to custom robes. Wand chooses him – obvi, that’s demure, mindful, very cutesy. Harry Potter-gen Z Version Pdf
So like, Vernon and Petunia Dursley are total NPCs. Major pick-me energy, but like… the worst kind? They literally gatekeep oxygen from Harry. Gaslight him about his parents (RIP James & Lily – icons, btw). Gatekeep his mail.
Anyway, Harry’s living under the stairs – which, hello?? That’s a vibe but not in a slay way. More in a “my mental health is in a landfill” way. Then out of nowhere, Hagrid (an absolute green
Quirrell was his first simp. Not a flex.
He also meets Draco Malfoy, who is the textbook definition of: “We listen and we don’t judge… unless you’re poor.” Wand chooses him – obvi, that’s demure, mindful,
Ron Weasley – himbo king. Bad at chess? No, actually goated. Also, he’s allergic to emotional vulnerability unless it’s about his mom.
unofficial. unhinged. uncensored. not sponsored by J.K. (she’s cancelled, bestie)
Harry literally defeats him in book 1 by… touching his face. Bestie, that’s not a spell, that’s a ✨boundary violation✨.
