Daphne And Irina. Show 1 Apr 2026

No, you don’t. You love it. Because for once, you’re not the one writing the script.

(puts phone down) Whoa. That was almost profound. Say it again so I can pretend I thought of it first.

(placing the last grape with tweezers) Today’s theme is control. Daphne And Irina. Show 1

(long pause. Then a slow grin.) That’s not profound. That’s mean . I love it. (beat) Okay, Show 1, Rule 1: Daphne is not allowed to arrange anything for the rest of the day.

(laughing despite herself, reaching for the coffee cup) I hate this show. No, you don’t

And you’re a control artist who just got evicted from her own fruit bowl. (She steals the apple and takes a loud bite) Camera two, close up on anarchy.

(without looking up) If you rotate that apple one more time, I’m going to film it and put it on the internet. Title: Woman Declares War on Produce. (puts phone down) Whoa

Fruit cartography. You’ve lost your mind. (She finally looks up) What’s the theme of today’s show, by the way? Last week was “Do I have a personality, or just good taste?” The week before was “Is my ex a narcissist or just French?”

Finally. Something you’re bad at.

(sits across from her) You don’t need to borrow my lines. You have chaos. Chaos is its own kind of control, you know. You keep everything messy so no one expects you to hold anything together.

You’re a monster.